Since November, we have been quite busy … AGAIN.
We have moved towns! Now located in Bendigo, my brain is buzzing with the possibilities a slightly larger community presents. I have moved before and know how important it is to get right in there and make connections early on. So we have been getting out of the house - and comfort zone - pretty regularly. Today's theme is about getting out there after a move to tap into local networks. Back in Nanna's day, it would no doubt have been very different - letters of introduction come to mind!
I am no stranger to moving. For a while in my 20s it was my goal to live in a town and stay in a job longer than a year!! People expect this of the young, I think, and I certainly encourage it. As I approach my 40s, I am beginning to appreciate the upheaval a move brings to a family as well as social and professional networks. So, if you are going to move, you need to jump right in and be pro-active. You can't expect invitations or opportunities that happen in your home town. Don't think the hard work is over once boxes are unpacked - that is when you need to lay the foundations for making the new town your new home. Based on my experience, this looks like:
Research:
1. Making best friends with Google and Facebook (so you can get stuff happening in Real Life). Searching "Bendigo" on Facebook brought up groups and local information.
2. Read the local newspapers and ask colleagues, neighbours or any other locals for recommendations - best supermarkets, jogging tracks, playgrounds etc. It is a nice easy conversation starter!
3. Visit the tourist information centre.
Don't spend too much time in the research phase, it is the next phase where the magic happens.
4. Join local groups: use that research to get you into the places you'd like to be. For example, try out some yoga, gym or book clubs and see if they are for you.
My thoughts here would be to persevere, while also listening to your gut instinct. I played a season each of netball and touch footy and now no longer feel bad about saying an outright "no, thanks" when these come up as a way of integrating into a new community. I also found the local CFA to be a no for me, but only after giving it a good shot. On the other hand, I love boot camps, classes (like sewing or Spanish) and sustainability and hiking groups.
As a side note here, in the last town I lived in, I arrived knowing no-one. There was a local young professionals social group, so I went along for "1 drink". Turning up to a bar when you know no-one isn't everyone's/anyone's idea of fun, but that's what you have to do sometimes!!! I chatted to one woman for a bit who basically introduced me to a group of blokes and then disappeared. Luckily the guys were friendly and one that arrived 5 minutes later is now my husband.
Be a big kid & tourist : get to know the neighbourhood and local attractions
5. Get to know the place by going for walks, bike rides or taking the long way home from work. In Tokyo, poking around the neighbourhood led to finding a great international supermarket, a bamboo forest, a lovely park and the local 100 yen shop. When my mum visited, she also found some great shopping a bit further afield. From experience, the initial weeks in a new place go quite slowly - you are super aware of time. So filling up this time with explorations and getting your home sorted is a winner. Soon, you'll be busy and ensconced in the local community and might not get a chance! We went on the Talking Tram in Bendigo early on - bit of fun to see how much my daughter loved it as well as getting some local history. If you are a Bendigo local, you can get an Ambassador Card - basically it means I get in free when I am with another visitor (be it my husband or visiting friends/family). Ask at the Tourist Information Centre for details (plus bring something with your Bendigo address on it).
Spend time in the new place.
This means not leaving town at 4:30pm Friday arvo and returning Sunday night to do your washing!!! Sure, go "home", but make space and time for the new place. This also goes for online - spending a lot of time reading newspapers or listening to radio from home means you reduce the new opportunities available to you. Again - I'm not suggesting you disown your former life, just that you don't overdo it.
Make your own group.
I tried all these strategies when I returned to Melbourne from Japan. Maybe my head was still a bit in "Expat" land - I craved the conversations and shared understandings that you develop when you live overseas. So I started a "meet up" group for expats and former expats living in Melbourne. The group met monthly in friendly bars and other venues. I can be super shy, but being the organiser meant I was a lot more outgoing. I welcomed and chatted to newcomers and introduced them to others. I met up with people between official meet ups and loved it. There wasn't anything just like it locally, so if I had waited around for it to happen, I wouldn't have meet so many ace people.
So, back to February 2015.
We have moved a bit over an hour away and people are asking, "Do you know anyone?". In this case, I do know a few people: a close friend, some former colleagues and extended family. But in some ways that is irrelevant. They have their full lives and I want to grow my full life in this new home too. I think of all the places I have arrived and thrived as just one: the USA, Japan, Korea as well as a handful of more local communities. Each place was different, including locals that were more or less welcoming to new people, but in the end it all comes down to the individual and how much you are will to invest in making the "new place" your "new home".
